The Apoplectic Housewife: Five Things that Drive me Beserk

#1. Stop putting the good knife in the dishwasher. It will blunt it. Just because you don’t agree that it needs to be washed by hand doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need to be washed by hand. I have lost count of how many times I have reminded you that it’s not dishwasher-proof. You don’t need to wash it by hand. I will do it. Just don’t put it in the dishwasher.

#2. See that bin? The one that’s overflowing? Maybe you could change it yourself for once, instead of leaving it for me to do every. single. time. And don’t resort to using supermarket carrier bags when you can’t fit anything else in there. Just change the binbag, okay?

#3. Sweep first, then sort. No, it is not easier to sweep everything up, toys and all, so that you only have to bend over once to pick everything up. It’s absolutely vile, because everything gets covered in dust. Although thinking about it it does work, because instead of actually picking everything up you abandon it, so that I’m always the one who has to pick through the pile of rubbish to salvage everything that I don’t want to throw away. How ingenious of you.

#4. If you’re going to start a job, then fucking finish it. Thank you so much for clearing off the top of the chest of drawers. I know it needed doing, and it was very helpful. What was less helpful, however, was the way you just dumped everything in the empty laundry basket that happened to be beside the chest of drawers. You know I needed that for laundry, right? Meaning that before I could cart a freshly washed load outside to be hung up (which I hate doing anyway, because it’s makework, takes ages and it always frigging rains), I had to dump everything in the washing basket onto the floor. And on the floor it will remain until you notice and finish the job you started. Fat chance.

#5. The fruitbowl is for fucking fruit. The clue is in the name. Please do not leave your keys, travelcard, coins, stray toys, pens, weird things that are sticky for no reason, pens, etc. in there. There are other places available for these things to go. I do not care that it’s more convenient to put them in the fruitbowl. It is not a handy dumping ground for stuff that you are too lazy to put away. It is a fruitbowl.

Aaaaand breath. What menial household tasks are giving you the rage today?

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About allpastmidnight

Hi, I'm Alison, I am a mid-thirties mum to two children, Little Man and Wee Girl. Wee Girl is pre-verbal and has autism, while Little Man is the sort of happy chatty little guy who gets into everything and sings at the top of his lungs — until the moment he makes eye contact with a stranger and he goes silent. I am cynical, sweary, and a bit disorganised, and I blog about parenting, ASD, food and just about anything else I can think of. Feel free to follow me on any of my social media. I can also be contacted by email at allpastmidnight [at] outlook [dot] com.
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4 Responses to The Apoplectic Housewife: Five Things that Drive me Beserk

  1. Ha! Hilarious. This post makes me glad I’m single with a child too young to pull the bin stunt… though I do think I recall doing it myself when I lived at home!
    Thanks for linking up with the Weekend Blog Hop!

  2. This really made me laugh!! Starting jobs and not finishing them happens all the time in my house!! tehe. Thanks so much for linking up to #bestandworst and see you again soon xxx

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